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Old 04-02-2012, 11:11 AM   #1
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Default joke of the day

Three Ladies in a Sauna

Three women, two younger, and one senior citizen, were sitting naked in a sauna.
Suddenly there was a beeping sound. The young woman pressed her forearm and the beep stopped.
The others looked at her questioningly. 'That was my pager,' she said. I have a microchip under the skin of my arm.
A few minutes later, a phone rang. The second young woman lifted her palm to her ear..
When she finished, she explained, 'that was my mobile phone. I have a microchip in my hand.'
The older woman felt very low-tech. Not to be out done, she decided she had to do something just as impressive. She stepped out of the sauna and went to the bathroom..
She returned with a piece of toilet paper hanging from her rear end.
The others raised their eyebrows and stared at her.
The older woman finally said..........Well, will you look at that......I'm getting a
A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.
Mitch Hedberg

I used to do drugs. I still do drugs. But I used to, too.
Mitch Hedberg

I have a king size bed. I don't know any kings, but I guess if one came over, he'd be comfortable. "Oh, you're a king, you say? Well you won't believe what I have in store for you! It is to your exact specifications! When I was young I had a twin bed. I always wondered what happened to my brother.
Mitch Hedberg
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Old 04-07-2012, 10:08 AM   #2
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That was funny
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Old 04-07-2012, 05:57 PM   #3
Mahi Fever
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Good one Richard.
"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy." -Benjamin Franklin
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Old 04-11-2012, 04:37 PM   #4
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The American Medical Association has weighed in on Obama's new health care package.
The Allergists were in favor of scratching it, but the Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves.

The Gastroenterologists had sort of a gut feeling about it, but the Neurologists thought the Administration had a lot of nerve.

Meanwhile, Obstetricians felt certain everyone was laboring under a misconception, while the Ophthalmologists considered the idea shortsighted.

Pathologists yelled, "Over my dead body!" while the Pediatricians said, "Oh, grow up!"

The Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness, while the Radiologists could see right through it.

Surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing and the Internists claimed it would indeed be a bitter pill to swallow.

The Plastic Surgeons opined that this proposal would "put a whole new face on the matter".

The Podiatrists thought it was a step forward, but the Urologists were pissed off at the whole idea.

Anesthesiologists thought the whole idea was a gas, and those lofty Cardiologists didn't have the heart to say no.

In the end, the Proctologists won out, leaving the entire decision up to the assholes in Washington .
A sucking chest wound is simply nature's way of telling Marines to slow down....
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