This is Funny!!

Tuna Devil · 11-25-2006, 05:24 PM

Stolen from somewhere else.

Just in case you need a laugh: Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane but only a high school diploma to fix one. Reassurance for those of us who fly routinely in our jobs.

After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humour. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers. By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

And the best one for last...

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget
pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

Relentless33 · 11-25-2006, 05:30 PM

Right on

Good fishing with you today

Tuna Devil · 11-25-2006, 06:06 PM

Any time Jr.

Capt'n Shane · 11-25-2006, 06:29 PM

That mades me laugh so intently that I almost swallowed my dip. Keep em coming.

Disco Lady · 11-26-2006, 05:53 PM

CONO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

quack quack · 11-27-2006, 08:20 AM

DIRTYFOOT2 · 11-27-2006, 07:05 PM

I wanna go fishin too
Uncle TD

Tuna Devil · 11-27-2006, 07:56 PM

Just let me know when DF.

Gaitor · 11-28-2006, 05:18 AM

Thanks TD ... I needed that

As a retired AF Flight crew member, I can identify

11-25-2006, 05:24 PM	#1 (permalink)
Tuna Devil Grander Join Date: Nov 2005 Occupation: Pirate Posts: 1,834	This is Funny!! Stolen from somewhere else. Just in case you need a laugh: Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane but only a high school diploma to fix one. Reassurance for those of us who fly routinely in our jobs. After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humour. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers. By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident. P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement. S: Almost replaced left inside main tire. P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough. S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft. P: Something loose in cockpit. S: Something tightened in cockpit. P: Dead bugs on windshield. S: Live bugs on back-order P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent. S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground. P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. S: Evidence removed. P: DME volume unbelievably loud. S: DME volume set to more believable level. P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. S: That's what friction locks are for. P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode. S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode. P: Suspected crack in windshield. S: Suspect you're right. P: Number 3 engine missing. S: Engine found on right wing after brief search. P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!) S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious. P: Target radar hums. S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics. P: Mouse in cockpit. S: Cat installed. And the best one for last... P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer. S: Took hammer away from midget. __________________ What do you mean I'm not kind? I'm just not your kind.

11-25-2006, 05:30 PM	#2 (permalink)
Relentless33 Grander Join Date: Apr 2006 Best Catch: 81" sword Posts: 2,920	Right on Good fishing with you today __________________

11-25-2006, 06:06 PM	#3 (permalink)
Tuna Devil Grander Join Date: Nov 2005 Occupation: Pirate Posts: 1,834	Any time Jr. __________________ What do you mean I'm not kind? I'm just not your kind.

11-27-2006, 08:20 AM	#6 (permalink)
quack quack Old Salt Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: lake worth Best Catch: 25lb codfish 5 yrs old first hanger Posts: 4,456	__________________ Either we can be a part of the solution or we can be the victims of a decision.

11-27-2006, 07:05 PM	#7 (permalink)
DIRTYFOOT2 Grander Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: Lake Worth fl Best Catch: 53lb Black Grouper Occupation: Gunnel Washer Posts: 2,024	Once again funny as hell I wanna go fishin too Uncle TD __________________ right thumb on the spool, left hand flips the lever

11-25-2006, 06:29 PM	#4 (permalink)
Capt'n Shane Hooked Up Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: Aventura, Florida Best Catch: 63" Swordy Occupation: oilfield production Posts: 387	That mades me laugh so intently that I almost swallowed my dip. Keep em coming.

11-26-2006, 05:53 PM	#5 (permalink)
Disco Lady Grander Join Date: Dec 2005 Posts: 2,924	CONO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

11-27-2006, 07:56 PM	#8 (permalink)
Tuna Devil Grander Join Date: Nov 2005 Occupation: Pirate Posts: 1,834	Just let me know when DF. __________________ What do you mean I'm not kind? I'm just not your kind.

11-28-2006, 05:18 AM	#9 (permalink)
Gaitor Hooked Up Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: Palm Beach Gardens,FL Boat: 25 ft HydraSports Best Catch: 150 lb Pacific Sail, 100 lb Tarpon from the surf Occupation: Old Retired Fart Posts: 558	Thanks TD ... I needed that As a retired AF Flight crew member, I can identify

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